Maternal Instincts
by The Rabid Toenail
Summary: MWPP era, SiriusxRemus, oneshot. Sirius has a great many secret desires— kissing Remus, holding Remus, doing dirty things under the sheets with Remus… oh, and being read to. Can’t forget that one.


_Maternal Instincts_

**Happy birthday to Evil Chibi Malik!**

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter and all related characters, trademarks, and insignia belong to J.K. Rowling. _The Telltale Heart_ belongs to Edgar Allen Poe.

**Summary**: MWPP era, SiriusxRemus, one-shot. Sirius has a great many secret desires—kissing Remus, holding Remus, doing dirty things under the sheets with Remus… oh, and being read to. Can't forget that one.

Sirius had a great many desires. Quite a few of them were carnal desires, of course (he was a teenage boy, filled to the brim with testosterone, after all), but one of his fantasies was bright-eyed and childish. For a long time, ever since he was a child, he'd wanted to have someone read to him.

It was a simple yearning, one that could be easily fulfilled if he'd only _ask_ someone… but then he'd seem puerile and weak and very un-Black-like. Or… un-Black-esque. Because words that end in '-esque' are more sophisticated, that's what his etiquette tutor had told him when he was little.

Of course, he'd always hated that old bat.

Ahem-hem-hem. But yes, there was a perfectly good explanation for his rather juvenile fantasy. The Blacks weren't very nurturing people, Mrs. Black especially. She'd never read to him as a child, not once, and her favorite house elf Kreacher was even less likely to have a maternal impulse.

Most of the time, though, he was able to keep this want of his squashed down—after all, his other fantasies were a lot more interesting and took up a lot more of his time… like the one he'd had last night, where the sexy brunet… _brunette_ had been pressed against him, warm and hard, as Sirius trailed kisses across his… _her_ collarbone.

Well, Sirius' mind was obviously very confused. To prevent any more unfortunate thoughts, he tried to concentrate on class. It was Transfiguration, _eurgh_, and he supposed he should pay more attention to the toad he was supposed to turn into an Ottoman.

Sirius bent down, framing it with his stony gaze. His toad stared at him, lazily licking an eye.

Uh-uh. He wasn't going _near_ that. He glanced back over at it—inching ever closer to his textbook. He grimaced, snatching the book away and scooting his chair out from under his desk. That toad wanted to give him _warts_, he just knew it. That look in the toad's eyes, that was toad-speak for 'Gwa ha ha, I'm going to give you nasty green pus-filled warts!'

Nevermind what warts were _really_ like. Sirius had never had them, and he never intended to, so it was all right if his imagination got carried away with itself sometimes. On a side note, he'd _also_ never gotten a pimple on his bum—that was something that Blacks just didn't _do_.

Not that he liked his family much anyway, and he was almost certain his mother had broken that rule several times before. After all, she was old and wrinkled and _icky_. Eww.

"Plan on doing your assignment anytime this year, Sirius?" James asked beside him, giving Sirius a grin.

"Hey, you ruined my inner monologue! It was really good too, I was picturing that toad as my mum… and then a delightful young tot on a tricycle rode by and _squashed_ her, and all her little frog-blood _oozed_ out just like strawberry jam getting squished out of a biscuit… a green biscuit."

The black-haired teen rolled his eyes. "_This_ is why people think you're crazy, Padfoot." He expected to hear a series of 'mwa ha ha's, but was surprised to see Sirius deep in thought, stroking his chin.

"Forget your name again?"

"No!" he said, his lips twisted into an indignant pout. "I was just thinking, 'this is why people think I'm _sexy_'. _You_ wouldn't understand of course, not being blessed with the gift of sexiness like _I_ am…"

"You really _should_ get to work, Sirius, everyone's nearly done," a disapproving voice chimed in beside him.

"Oh, don't be such an old woman, Remus," Sirius muttered, waving off his comment. Remus didn't _look_ like an old woman, though—he was actually quite sexy, with brown hair that curled prettily around his face and chocolate eyes flecked with honey and…

Damn, Sirius had the sudden hankering for dessert. Or Remus. They were about the same when Sirius was asleep.

"You'll fall behind," Remus said warningly, raising his eyebrows threateningly at Sirius.

The sudden sweet tooth passed—Remus always looked _so_ ridiculous when he did that. Sirius didn't tell him, though, because it was too much fun laughing at him when he wasn't watching.

(l)(o)(v)(e)

"But I don't understand it, Remus," Peter whined for about the millionth time. They were working on their Charms homework while Sirius and James sat off to the side procrastinating. After all, they could copy from Remus later (for all his eyebrow-raising and stern glances, he always caved in the end, which may or may not have anything to do with the _looks_ Sirius gave him—those _looks_ were campus-famous for transfiguring teenage girls into little melty puddles of girl-goo).

"It's all in your notes, Peter," Remus said patiently, pointing at the line explaining the homework as subtly as a herd of rampaging elephants in a library. "Complete a five-foot roll of parchment detailing the similarities and differences between…"

Sirius gazed off into space, concentrating on the sound of Remus' voice. When he read, it was oddly soothing, an almost musical intonation… like a piano speaking words. Although… all of that _might_ have been in Sirius' head—many things were only in Sirius' head (notably, zero-calorie double-chocolate cake, leather pants that were easy to get into (and out of), and the quite voluptuous and lovely female version of Remus Lupin). Sirius _did_ suspect, however, that a slightly greasier, but still very female version of Remus often danced naked through the dungeons of one Severus Snape's mind. Because Remus seemed to attract the _weirdest_ people.

"_Padfoot_, where _are_ you today?" James asked, beating Sirius upside the head with the map they'd been working on. "You keep drifting… your eyes glaze over and you get this really goofy expression on your face. It's very unbecoming."

"Sorry," Sirius muttered, propping his elbow on the armrest and resting his chin on his hand.

"_So_, who's the lucky lady?" James asked, smirking at him and jabbing him in the side with an especially uncomfortable elbow.

Sirius gave an exasperated sigh and trudged up to the boys' dormitory.

(l)(o)(v)(e)

Four days later showed a much different picture—Sirius and James scribbling things down on their rolls of parchment, Remus sitting by the fire reading, and Peter conspicuously missing (although everyone knew he was nicking snacks from the kitchen, and Sirius and James would be glad of it later).

"_Reeeeeeeeeeeeemus_," Sirius whined, although in a more sophisticated way than Peter, looking over at the brunet with the biggest storm-gray eyes he could manage.

"Yes?" he asked, putting his book down and staring at Sirius expectantly.

"May I… err… _check_ your Charms homework for you?" Sirius asked, running his fingers through his long black hair in what he deemed was a debonair way.

"Oh? That's kind of you, Sirius, but I don't want you wasting your time on me when _you_ still haven't done your homework," Remus said briskly, going back to his book.

"No, Moony, I really don't mind. After all, I have to make sure my best buddy is doing all right in his studies, you know?"

James gaped at Sirius, indignant. "I thought _I_ was your best buddy! Remus is your mother-figure, not your best buddy!"

"Moony isn't my surrogate mother! And besides…" Sirius leaned conspiratorially toward him, whispering, "If I butter him up, he'll show us his work."

The black-haired teen sighed. "Fine, fine. But next time I won't be so forgiving."

"_So, _Remy-baby, whaddaya say?" Sirius asked, resting a hand on the brunet's knee and gazing up at him suavely.

Remus blew out a sigh through his teeth, dropping his perfectly finished homework on the table in front of Sirius and James and walking away, disgusted with himself.

(l)(o)(v)(e)

The dorm room was quiet; James was on a date with Lily, Peter was sleeping (and for once, not snoring), and Remus was lying on his bed, reading a book. _Always_ reading, that Remus. Sirius stared at him from his own bed; the boy made quite a lovely picture, face lighted by the gentle candles around the room, eyes shining with excitement as his eyes quickly scanned the page. The flickering flames shone beautifully on his hair, highlighting all the blonds and browns and faint traces of auburn in his normally mousy hair.

Feeling that there was little else he could do, Sirius walked over to Remus' four-poster bed, collapsing beside the brunet. Remus glanced up. "Yes?" he asked.

"Moony, I was wondering if… if you'd read to me…" Sirius mumbled, looking away. He felt childish and stupid for asking such a thing, but then when he chanced a glance Remus' way again, the teen was smiling.

It was a soft, beautiful smile that showed the tips of Remus' sharp canines. "You're really silly sometimes, Sirius," he said, teasing, and scooted over to give Sirius more room. "They heard! –they suspected! –they knew! –they were making a mockery of my horror!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! and now –again! –hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!"

Sirius squeaked, covering his ears. "_You_, Remus, are a very _bad_ surrogate mother! _Honestly_, reading me something from a collection of horror stories!"

Remus gave him a puzzled look, opening his mouth to say something.

Sirius, however, pressed his finger against Remus' lips to shush him. "Don't say anything, Moony. I'm sure you must have other… redeeming qualities. After all, if a person has horrible taste in child-friendly reading material, then that means that they _must_ have good taste in some other… _area_, right?" Sirius asked, almost musing to himself as Remus rolled onto his back to peer up at him.

"Padfoot?" he intoned cautiously. He was doing the eyebrow raise again, eurgh.

The black-haired teen decided that he simply _must_ put a stop to that dreadful habit—and that at the same time he should endeavor to find Remus' area of good taste. Thankfully, Sirius had a good idea of where to look.

He smirked dashingly down at the brunet, replacing his finger upon Remus' lips with something much softer. It was revealed that while Remus' maternal instincts left much to be desired, his kisses… well, they did the same thing, but in a much nicer way.

And so, it came to pass that Sirius fulfilled more than one of his (not quite so) secret desires that night.

**AN:** Mmrow. I hope you enjoyed this, imouto! Sirius and Remus are love.

Please review!


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